Friday, April 21, 2006

We're All Gonna Die From Ink Poisoning

It's inevitable. We're all going to die from inki poisoning...or at least anyone who's been hanging out with me recently. You're doomed. The skulls and dragons and spiral hexadodecahedron patterns scrawled into your arm with a Sharpie, they're going to be the death of you. Everynight we go out to bars or restaurants or movies or shows and draw into eachothers flesh. Who needs tattoos? Every night I've got a different eyeball, face, korean lettering, lightning bolt...the possibilities are endless. Marker felt is the new ink.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Uh-Oh Mr Chicken Salad.

I've been working on a digital comic for the wonderful world of the internet lately. It is full of irony...much like life. I find that ironic things are always happening to me, like I'm living in some weird practical joke world. Maybe irony is the wrong word for it...I need a word that conveys both the emotions of sad and funny. Maybe I should call it the Charlie Brown effect. You sort of want to cry for Charlie Brown when Lucy constantly rips the football out from under his feet like some sort of evil bitch harpy who revels in the pain of others, but it is kind of funny at the same time. Uh-oh funny not ha-ha funny. Maybe my life has become uh-oh funny. LIke when I get out of the shower and step in cat pee. That's pretty uh-oh funny. Or when I realize that somehow I've managed to tye-die all my clothes so that they have giant red blotches. Or when the man at the chicken salad sandwich restaurant recognizes my voice on the phone and says "Oh i know who this is, Mr Chicken Salad." That's sort of pathetic uh-oh funny. Being known as "Mr. Chicken Salad."

A still from my comic: "3:07pm and the world ended" COMING SOON to

Thursday, April 13, 2006

It's alarming!

Something just occurred to me as I haphazardly made my way down Broadway wearing a blazer, long pants and canvas shoes. It gets hot in New York City. You see, I'm fairly new to the idea of seasons. In California we have seasons, well we have two: Summer and Winter. In Summer it can get to be 90 degrees in los angeles and everyone takes off all their clothes and hits the beach. In winter it gets to be about 60 degrees and everyone wears scarfs and hats and has fires in their living room. But New York is a totally different story. My mind doesn't quite comprehend these "seasons" yet and my body is struggling to adjust to the temperature as well. I woke up in the middle of the night last night, sweating and confused so I opened my window next to my bed and fell back asleep. Then at around 5am I hear a strange noise that sounds like someone is trying to get through my window and I sit up and slam it closed. In other news when I arrived home last night, the emergency exit door of my building that leads to the roof was open and a horrible ear bleeding alarm was going off. Seriously it sounded like someone being poked in the ear drum with a metal toothpick. So me and my roommate decide that we are going to take it upon ourselves as good tenants of this fine establishment and disable the alarm. I put on my ear buds and cover them with my huge headphones and make my way towards the electronic shrieking banshee of death like some sort of bomb dismantler. Then I remember, oh right I have no idea what I'm doing. My roommate on the other hand, comes out with a sledgehammer and hits the alarm box about 40 times. He continues to pound at it and I am reminded of Dave dismantling HAL at the end of 2001. Finally it falls off the door dead. The alarm stops, but the ringing continues in our ears for about 10 minutes. Flash forward to that night when I hear someone trying to break into my window. There is now no alarm box on the roof because we dismantled the alarm earlier that day. It's alarming!

Monday, April 10, 2006


I spent yesterday in complete zombie mode. With little to no sleep from the past 4 nights, I worked on a video project all day and by the end, was ready to crawl into a small hole and die. However I did not crawl into a small hole and die but rather walked out of my bathroom at midnight and slammed my face right into a wall (accidentally) I swear that wall wasn't so close to the bathroom. Maybe the walls in my apartment have some sort of nighttime alternate life that I don't know about. Like as soon as I turn off the lights they go to the awesome Wall club where they all engage in debaucherous activities with other walls. Dancing to Gloria Gaynor and soaking their plaster in cheap wall booze. However, last night I caught them surprised and they couldn't return to their natural positions and thus I faceplanted directly into the corner of one of the mischievous creatures. Well now my right eyebrow feels dented in and the right side of my face feels slightly numb. Walls....can't live with 'em...can't live without them... fuckers.

Monday, April 03, 2006

A break from the drama

So here is a break from the dramatic novella I started writing in my last post. I will get back to it, I just realised that it was preventing me from writing in the blog at all and I can't have that now can I? So now I've decided to use this arena to vent all of my frustrations and joys in this tiny plastic wrapped suction cupped world.

Yesterday I was walking down the street outside of my house and a couple of pimple faced undergrads toting a cheap hi-8 camera and some condenser mics approached and wanted to ask me some questions. So I figured either these two were members of the secret nerd police or they were film students (which pretty much is the secret nerd police for those who didn't go to film school) I obliged to answer all their questions because I am pretty much a ham when it comes to hot on the street interviews. And the paler of the two held an ice cream cone shaped wind socked mic up to my mouth and asked:
"Do you use Myspace?"
What is it lately with Myspace? Seriously should I be worried? When I joined myspace a couple of years ago I thought it was sort of interesting, I mean in that internet phenomenon pop culture trashy playground sort of way. It was Friendster's sluttier younger cousin. You know, the one that always wanders around in a tank top and cut off hot pant jeans and loves the movie "The Wedding Planner" But lately all I hear about is Myspace Myspace Myspace. It's like somehow the younger sluttier cousin ran for president and won and now completely controls the universe. For god's sakes, it's the second most viewed page on the internet after google. At least google gives you some sort of information. Myspace just gives you some sort of personal weird vallidation. Some channel to be whoever you want. (Which usually turns out to be a brooding emo hipster) But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is just what our society needs. Maybe we'll all become so completely blissed out in our world of pre-teen softcore porn shots that we will forget about all the war and hatred in the world. Maybe myspace is the answer to all our problems, to all the unjustices in the world....maybe Myspace is the new Holy Grail. Gosh I hope so...
I told this to the pimple faced boy with the condensor mic. He looked shocked for a moment, but then he realised that the mic wasn't actually plugged into the camera at all and tyrade was lost forever. And...I do love myspace.